How to reduce the risk of overplaying your strengths
When we’re stressed and not monitoring our behaviours so effectively, the ‘darker side’ of our personality often emerges and our positive attributes can become too much of a good thing. The strengths that got us to where we are can start to become overplayed and, in addition to affecting our wellbeing, risk derailing our work performance.
Someone who is usually admired for their self-confidence, for example, might start to be seen as arrogant or aggressive, while a creative leader who thinks outside the box can start confusing others with their bizarre and impractical ideas.
Hogan Assessments publishes a psychometric tool that identifies 11 ‘dark side’ personality characteristics that can show up under stress (also when we’re bored or complacent – any time we’re not managing our social impression). I often use this tool in coaching to help people to uncover their blind-spots, so they can reduce the risk that these behaviours will surface and derail their performance and work relationships.
The 11 traits are grouped into three categories in terms of how people tend to react under pressure: moving away, moving against and moving towards others.
Moving away from others
People who tend to move away from others when under stress are often vigilant to signs of criticism, betrayal and rejection. They may experience feelings of insecurity, hostility and mistrust and tend to withdraw socially as a way of coping with the insecurity (this tendency can be likened to the ‘flight’ stress response).
I recall a leader whose Hogan personality profile suggested that he was at risk of coming across as distant and unconcerned with other people’s feelings when stressed. Reflecting on this, he believed his approach was professional – that he wasn’t too tough, but that his team members were too sensitive.
We discussed how his team responded to his style and how showing some empathy could help to increase their engagement and motivation, particularly as he needed them to perform well during challenges times.
Moving against others
People who tend to move against others when stressed may manipulate, persuade, overwhelm and/or intimidate others to get their way (similar to the ‘fight’ stress response). They are typically socially self-confident - if not always privately - and expect others to like, admire and respect them.
Although being socially confident can be a major asset at work (depending on your role), those who move against others when they’re stressed often find it hard to learn from their mistakes and fail to take on negative feedback. They may listen to comments but stop short of altering their behaviour because they don’t see any need to change. Confidence can tip into hubris and if someone is unaware of their blind-spot, they risk alienating colleagues and team members with their behaviour.
Moving towards others
Individuals who move towards others when under pressure like building alliances and tend to want to please people in authority (the ‘fawn’ stress response). They may conform, ingratiate themselves to others and/or work hard to fix problems.
Someone who is highly organised and has excellent attention to detail, for example, can get caught in the weeds and increasingly perfectionistic when the pressure ramps up.
Through coaching, I have worked with a number of high-achieving professionals who are extremely diligent and driven to consistently produce first-class work. In many cases, their dedication has been rewarded through a series of promotions, but they can also struggle to let go and delegate due to a fear that team members won’t produce work to the same standard.
Having worked so hard to build a reputation, it can be a scary prospect that any substandard output from the team could dent it, so micromanaging becomes a way to try to control the situation. Consequently, the individual’s workload continue to grow (which increases the stress and enhances the perfectionistic tendencies) while team members gain fewer opportunities to grow and learn from mistakes.
Managing stress
Perhaps you recognise some of these tendencies in yourself. It’s normal that our behaviour changes when we’re under pressure. It may depend on the context and who you are with as to whether you tend to move away, against or towards others when stressed, but often there are trends. Being aware of any unhelpful behaviours and what triggers them is the first step, so you can then explore strategies to mitigate them before they become a problem.
Managing stress levels also reduces the risk that these behaviours will surface. There is no one-size-fits all to managing stress – it’s very individual. It will come as no surprise that sleep, regular exercise and eating well are all important ingredients. So too is pacing ourselves with breaks, which helps us to regulate our emotions and behaviours more effectively.
If we think of the relationship between pressure and performance as an inverted U-shape curve (based on the ‘Yerkes-Dodson law’ named after the two psychologists who first introduced the concept), the optimal place to be is somewhere around the middle. This is where we have some pressure to keep us motivated and performing well, but not too much or for too long. We can stretch ourselves and find our edge, but also slip back into our comfort zone.
So what does the comfort zone look like for you? What makes you feel more at ease? What could you do to create pockets of time in the day, even for 5 minutes, or if you have longer in the evening or at weekends?
Movement is one of the best ways to down-regulate the stress response. Positive social interaction, listening to music, deep breathing, laughing and losing yourself in a hobby can also help to offset the negative effects of pressure. Dipping into comfort may, additionally, be about doing less demanding work tasks during parts of the day.
Pacing is not just good for our health but can help with problem-solving, giving us access to our best, most insightful ideas. When you’re not actively trying to solve problems your mind can wander and make important connections - this is where you often stumble upon new perspective and ways of doing things, like those magical a-ha moments when you’re in the shower or out for a walk.
Managing pressure is, above all, crucial to physical and psychological wellbeing, but it’s also fundamental to achieving sustainable performance and keeping our strengths from becoming overplayed.